I guess we are the 8 june...
Its been a long time I didn't came write something. I've been busy lately and many things happened.
I just don't know what to begin with.
Alicia and me its over. Maybe its better that way. In the same time she still texting me on my cell and its bothering me that I asked her to not text me anymore. She agreed. But two days later, he we go again, I received sms from her . I just don't know what to do. I try to reply her on Facebook but I can't. It just many feelings coming all at once.
She's asked me: No messages, I don't have your news anymore, its hurting me you know... I love you.
Even HERE!!!! I can't write what's on my fucking mind because just think of it, all the answer i have, is rudeness.
I guess i hate her girlfriend Fanny... i must be really jealous.
Every day i spend time on her profile and just seeing her kiss that fucked little girl upset me that much.
furthermore, I don't want her to slip from my hand. I still love her no matter what.
I try to cut our connection but she's always coming back. Make's me going crazy, can't think, can't sleep.
Am happy she still want news from me, but its wrong. Everything I do or I see , there's Alicia. I can't scream and can't cry with someone to relay on their shoulders. This is the price to be gay I guess.
When I was with Ali, I swear not to smoke, eat junk-food and be healthy again. I start smoking again... Am not proud about that, but, I need it so much to bring down my stress.
I just don't know what to do!! EVEN WHAT TO SAY!
I'll be honest with myself.
Seriously,In my head: I want you to stop texting me, you have a girlfriend now and I think you should have only eye for her. Don't make the same mistake twice like you did with me. Just seeing you taking time to ask me how I am, makes me going furious to hurt myself.
I do not believe in god but now I supply him to kill me for what I did to you.
Am a workaholic now just to forget about you! I go out having fun ,been drunk to forget you, I date guys just to forget you, until the night in my bed, i realize how much I am in love with you , how a screw things, I AM AN ADIOT, am a human and am sorry.
But in my baby-chicken-heart: I still want you, I want you to reply me everyday i want to know i always have a place, just to say its a tiny place because i miss you so much, am so thankful that I least you still recognize me.
Its hard for me.
I wanted to say : Yes am fine , stop worry about me, but this will be a lie. Am not FINE, not fine at all. My life became a mess I don't want to eat, am most of the time bucked, am tired, I make over-time at my job, everybody for me is ignorant and specially fucking stupid. I HATE MANS, I HATE WOMENS. for now...
Hope to heal eventually.
So this my 8 june 2010... it suck, fucking spring of doom